


The Climb

by rawkfemme



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Lets send her up a tree and see what happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 02:42:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13226457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rawkfemme/pseuds/rawkfemme
Summary: It had been built up long and slow, and simmered in the background while she took her time letting go of the past, and the future that she thought she wanted. He had been patient and she was grateful. But was that patience starting to wear thin?This is my entry for round 2 of Talsi's Cutthroat J/C challenge. Our prompt was that the crew encounters something ancient. Enjoy!





	1. Doubt

“Remind me again why I’m doing this,” Kathryn Janeway whispered to Chakotay, who stood at her side.  

“Because it’s a huge honor that the Noyarci Mage-Royal has bestowed this upon you.  It’s the Noyarci’s biggest honor, in fact,” came his smiling reply.

“And?”

“Because as the de facto leader of all the humans in the Delta Quadrant our reputation for courage and determination is in your hands.”

“Uh huh.”

“And because the Kathryn Janeway I know,” Chakotay continued as he leaned in and whispered in her ear, “refuses to back down from a challenge.”  His breath caused the wisps of hair at her ears to dance and tickle her skin, raising goose bumps down her arm.  Kathryn turned and raised her eyes to his, which were glinting with mischief. She was about to comment when a thunderous cry erupted from above.  

They stood on the forest floor, and looked up the trunk of the massive and ancient tree. In front of them.  The height of which seemed like it could dwarf many of the tallest buildings on Earth, and the gentle sway of its enormous trunk caused Kathryn’s stomach to knot. 

Swinging on vines, sliding down trunks, and yelping with glee came dozens of members of the Noyarci species.  Their willowy forms and prehensile toes made arboreal transit easy for these tree-dwellers. They seldom spent time on the ground, except for events like today’s.

“Captain!  Commander!  A joyous sun tide to you both,” called the Mage-Royal as he gracefully released the vine he swung on and landed elegantly on the ground before Kathryn and Chakotay.  His long deep ochre libs were festooned with ebony lines and swirling images.

“Good Morning, Mage-Royal.  We are honored to be here,” Kathryn replied.  The Mage-Royal bowed deeply, and Kathryn returned the gesture.

“Please, on a day such as this, you must call me Troyin.  Let us not stand on ceremony.  If you complete your challenge, you will be as my sister.”  

Glancing at Chakotay, who was beaming a full smile at Troyin, Kathryn replied, “Again, you honor us, Troyin.  And please, you must call us Kathryn and Chakotay in return.”

“Indeed I will.  Come, it is time. The sun has crested.”  Troyin wrapped his long and lithe fingers around Kathryn’s arm and guided her closer to the base of the enormous tree. 

Collected on the ground were various climbing apparatus and pieces of native costume. As Kathryn reached for a harness fitted with what appeared to be carabiners, a young Noyarci priestess drew her away. 

“Sister Kathryn does not require the tools of children.” The priestess sang in an almost scolding tone.  “Sister Kathryn is a paladin and champion. Surely she wishes to undertake the proper challenge?”

Placing the harness back in its place, the sense of nervous anticipation Kathryn had felt earlier returned in force. She had been confident when accepting the challenge from the diplomatic envoys, but seeing the true scale of the ancient and massive tree gave her pause. And now she was to surmount it without any safety measures.  Tuvok and th4e doctor and been right in their concerns, but Troyin assured her that only the captain and first officer’s presence was warranted. She looked behind her to Chakotay, who was speaking quietly with the members of the Noyarci trade delegation who would observe Kathryn’s challenge.  He beamed a confident and reassuring grin. ‘ _ You’ve got this _ ,’ was all Kathryn could hear when she looked in his eyes. 

Kathryn stepped behind the dressing screen at the side of the tree and donned the gossamer-like robes.  They hardly seemed suitable for what she was about to undertake. Coming out from behind the screen and onto what the Mage-Royal had referred to as ‘The Altar of Assent,’ Kathryn tried to steady her nerves and her breathing. Placing a hand onto the rough bark of the ancient tree, she felt her doubt begin to melt.  A tingling crossed from the tree into her hand, up her arm, and lightly across her face. Gasping, Kathryn pulled her hand away.  What she felt upon touching the tree felt like a hummed melody.  It buzzed through her gently and left her with a sweet, warm feeling on her lips and in her mind.  Her breath no longer shuddered in her chest, and her hands no longer quaked. 

“It’s you and me, old girl. Lets see what you have in store,” Kathryn said has she turned to face the gathered crowd.  The Mage-Royal took position behind her and began an incantation in a native tongue.  Without her combadge, Kathryn couldn’t understand his words, but even if he’d spoken in Standard, she wouldn’t have been able to listen.  All her thoughts in that moment were on the man who stood in front of her now, whom had stood at her side for so many years, and of the morning that they had just shared. 

_ \---------------- _

_ It took her eyes a moment to adjust. Clouded with sleep, the brightening room felt unfamiliar. The warm body snuggled against the curve of her back, however, was decidedly familiar. They had taken to sleeping wherever they fell. The night before was spent looking at a tapestry that he had replicated and hung for display. He'd eaten mess hall mystery meals for a month to be able to afford it. The original tapestry had graced the wall over his parent’s bed when he was a child. The richness of the colors and intricacy of the pattern was dwarfed only by the memory it held. It was the first thing she saw upon waking that morning.  _

_ As she heard his sleepy snores dissolve into a light sigh, the arm draped over her waist arched into a stretch. Rolling onto his back, he pulled her tightly against him. They didn’t have to be up and dressed for another half hour and the extra moments of drowsy affection felt blissful. Kathryn felt the heady weight of sleep begin to make its return when the hair that curled near her ear tickled as it moved with his quiet words.  _

_ “This. Always.” _

_ “Can’t. Noyarci Arboreal Festal.”  Kathryn smiled, turned and snuggled her cheek into Chakotay’s neck, reveling in the smell and warmth of him. She hated the thought of breaking the sleepy spell that they had woven together.  This perfection was too delightful.  _

_ “Today. Tomorrow. All the tomorrows. I mean it.” His voice was heavy and low with sleep and his eyes were still shut, but he pulled his arm from under the comforter.  The chill of the air outside of the bedding caused Kathryn to shiver and nestle herself even closer to him.  Chakotay clumsily gestured across the room to the tapestry. “We’ll have one too.  Woven... as one.  Bonded...man,”  his words paused as sleep reclaimed him, “...and...” _

_ “And?”  But the only response she received was his deep drowsy breathing. What did he mean by ‘and’?  Man and... Wife?  Was this his idea of a proposal? Kathryn felt her heartbeat quicken as twin memories of planning and anticipation and elation melted into remembered horror and grief and longing.  She had loved and been loved more than some people could ever wish, and more than she probably deserved. She knew how lucky she was to have this man, in this moment, and to live their rest of their lives like this, working on getting their crew home while making a home for themselves here was more than she could have ever hoped for.  But was it enough for him?  Was she enough for him? _

_ Kathryn gently rolled away from Chakotay and stood, grabbing her robe.  As she tied the sash around her waist, she tried to clear her mind. There would be time to talk to him later.  To find out what he was getting at before he fell back to sleep. But she couldn’t deny that it felt sublime to think that perhaps he wanted to marry her.  But was it what she wanted?  As Kathryn watched Chakotay sleep for a moment, she tried to direct her thoughts to the day ahead.  While tests of skill, aptitude, and courage were something that Kathryn generally thrived on, she knew she had to focus on the challenge at hand and not the one in her head. Chakotay’s cryptic and sleep-addled proposal would have to wait. There was a tree to climb. _


	2. Exploration

Hand over hand, she climbed. The tree was easily taller than the sequoias shed visited in California, but it was far more densely branched.  The limbs at the base of the tree were as thick as a monorail track, and only about a meter apart.  While they did get thinner towards the top, the were no fewer and they were spaced a bit like a spiral staircase. It shouldn’t be a problem to Troyin assured Kathryn that she would not have to spend the night in the ancient arbor. The biggest challenge would likely be to not allow the height to affect you. 

The rough bark of the lower branches was meant to protect it, but it also meant that the tree was easily scaled, at least initially.  But the jagged texture wreaked havoc on Kathryn’s bare hands and feet. Her knees and arms were soon abraded and bloody. After about two hours of effort, Kathryn made the mistake at looking down to gauge her progress.  She was high enough that it would clearly be a painful fall, but she could still make out the red shoulders of Chaktay pacing the ground below her. He was, as always, her stalwart 

Kathryn rested for a moment and wiped the sweat from her brow and left a trail of blood in its place.  Her back was pressed as tightly as she could manage against the trunk and her legs extended in front of her, down the length of the branch. The warming morning breeze blew the hem of the thin Noyarcin robes against her calves. Despite it’s filmy sheerness, the fabric had not a snag nor a tear from the climb. ‘Tough stuff,” Kathryn thought to herself. Looking at her battered hands, Kathryn feared that she wouldn’t be able to proceed much farther before succumbing to injury.  Even if she didn’t fall from the height, she could be debilitated by cuts or splinters, but Kathryn knew that quitting the challenge would be an insult to her hosts.  Looking at her robes, she thought it was far better to finish, proving your fortitude and resourcefulness at the same time. Kathryn split the side seam of the long robe with her hands, then removed horizontal strip of the fabric. She wound it around her palms like a boxer’s bandage. A second strip she used to bind the arches and balls of her feet, protecting them from the climb ahead. 

The time spent resting allowed Kathryn’s thirst to speak up.  The Mage-Royal had not provided a drinking vessel or any instruction on how to obtain water or other sustenance. But the morning dew had not yet completely vanished. Delicate drops, like a web of tiny pearls, graced the leaves around Kathryn, and danced as she pulled a thin branch to her. The beads of dew gathered and pooled in the thin valleys of the leaf’s veins. Kathryn dipped a finger in and examined the moisture. It had no smell or color, and in every aspect that her scientific mind could observe, it appeared to be ordinary dihydrogen monoxide.

Bringing her finger to her tongue, she carefully tested the flavor of the liquid. With relief, it had none. Who needs a tricorder to test water when you’re a true scientist and willing to experiment on yourself?  With the safety of the water seemingly confirmed, Kathryn pulled several leaves to her, being careful to not remove them from the tree, as to damage the ancient one would be a insult. She lifted the leaves to her mouth and let the droplets wet her lips and tongue.  The coolness of the water danced down her throat and rejuvenated her. It was meager refreshment, but very welcome. 

Rising gingerly, Kathryn looked back up the height of the tree. The leaves flitted to and fro on their branches in the breeze. As she gripped the limb above her, the bark felt warm and alive against her unprotected fingertips. Kathryn hoisted herself up; her biceps straining with the pull, then her triceps flexing with the push. Her feet found purchase in the bark of the trunk and she was able to cantilever her rear end up and onto the branch. This was her basic motion. Her choreographed dance; pull, rise, sit, stand. Kathryn repeats the dance in the tree over and over, rising higher and higher in the tree.

As she climbed, Kathryn watched her hands. The bindings were holding up remarkably well. They reminded her of the ones Chakotay had wrapped around her knuckles while he was teaching her to spar. Their matches always started out as serious workouts; a training session between a knowledgeable fighter and a serious pupil. In the end though, the two of them often ended up sprawled out on the mat, wrapped up in each others arms and learning each others bodies. 

She loved him. It had been built up long and slow, and simmered in the background while she took her time letting go of the past, and the future that she thought she wanted. He had been patient and she was grateful. But was that patience starting to wear thin? He had never mentioned marriage before, besides in a purely intellectual capacity.,  Kathryn knew that Chakotay respected the covenant made between two hearts and the commitment and partnership that came with it.  But he’d never expressed to her a desire to be married himself. 

He would be a wonderful husband. He’d already proven himself to be romantic and thoughtful, even before they had found their way to admitting their true feelings without thinly veiled metaphor, glances turned away before they became to heated, and touched pulled back before fingers began to wander. He’d proven his caring and understanding time and again when she’d let her mind wander into familiar darkness.  He was able to bring the brightness back. Theirs was not just the loin-driven passion of a young love, or the quiet comfort of one so dear. The love that Kathryn knew with Chakotay was everything at once. Moments of wild abandon, tempered with tenderness. Longing fulfilled, and made even more true and more deep. This was a mature love, spiked with the exuberance of youth and the type of confidence that only comes with being comfortable in one’s own skin. She knew him as well as she knew herself, and as well as he knew her. He would make a fantastic husband.  So they why did the thought of marriage cause her so much anxiety? 

After another several hours, Kathryn stepped up and onto a study branch and waited for a moment to catch her breath. Sitting down, she rested her head against the massive tree trunk. Sh had climbed trees throughout her youth and had never been shy of heights, but at this moment, the dizzying altitude that she found herself at caused her stomach to lurch.  The morning dew had been burned off in the midday heat and she had nothing to replenish herself. 

Kathryn pondered her next step for sustenance when a branch shifted near her arm. Nestled delectably in a clump of finely frilled leaves was a small, deep purple fruit,  Kathryn plucked it and smelled it deeply. It was sweet and almost floral. Piercing the skin with her thumbnails, she could see that the flesh inside was supple and juicy. Light pink liquid ran down her arm. She carefully licked at the trail it left and found that it was cool and syrupy. If there was one thing she’d learned from Chakotay, it was to trust. And right now, Kathryn chose to trust this tree. Taking a bite of the fruit she couldn’t help but think of New Earth and their garden there. She and Chakotay had come so close on that planet, but still she hesitated.  She was hesitating again. Kathryn finished the fruit and tucked a few more into the folds of her robe. She had to finish this challenge. She had to get back to him. She had to find out what he meant. She had to know if he wanted to marry her. 


	3. Reservation

The hours wore on and Kathryn’s quest seemed unending. The rough bark of the thick lower limbs had given way to more slender branches graced by delicate fronds. The higher she climbed the more it seemed unlikely that they would be able to support her weight.  It was impossible to see the ground now. When she looked down, all she saw was where she had been. Brown and green, with the occasional smattering of purple.  She’d been careful to leave no broken branches or trampled leaves in her wake. Turning her gaze back to the journey ahead, she considered what grew above her.  The branches were becoming slimmer as she went, and there was a nagging doubt in the back of her mind that they would support her.  But, the Noyarci Mage-Royal had been clear; Kathryn was to break through the forest canopy and commune with the true height of the tree. Only then would the challenge be complete. 

Troyin and the trade delegation of this world had been so welcoming to  _ Voyager _ and her crew.  To the other civilizations in this system, Noyarci was off the beaten track and considered a remote planet, but for  _ Voyager’s _ shortest route home, it was a convenient and welcome wayside. The Mage-Royal welcomed the federation ship as a vessel of foreign dignitaries, and treated them to lavish receptions and elegant accommodations. All of it in the Noyarci’s elaborate arboreal dwellings.  The ground-bound predators had long been extinct, but the Noyarci found life several meters up had continued to suit them for centuries. 

When Troyin had approached Kathryn to gauge her interest in taking part in what he had referred to as the “Elder-Sage Awakening” during their annual festal, it didn't sound at all like she'd be spending untold hours alone meters and meters above the ground. He had made it seem more like a spirit quest than the purely physical endeavor that it actually was. Kathryn was grateful that she and Chakotay had been exercising lately or her arms might not have been up to it. And as much as she did miss Chakotay, it was good that she wasn't dependent on him or anyone for company, as the only companionship she'd had in the ancient tree had been the occasional hairless rodent or squawking lizard bird. 

As she continued her climb, a loud, whistling cry stole her attention and nearly caused her to lose her grip. Towards her, crashing thru the branches, hurtled a small red primate. It resembled a Golden Lion Tamarin from the South American continent on Earth, but with a more protruding, almost canine-like snout. For a split second, it almost looked to Kathryn like her dog Molly bounding her way over to greet her.

The primate launched itself onto the branch just above Kathryn and looked at her curiously.  Then, swinging suddenly towards her it dove it's nimble fingers into the fold of her robe and freed a favored fruit. 

“You know,” Kathryn chastised, “there's plenty more of those just waiting for you to pick them yourself. No need to steal mine.”

The primate paid her no heed as it took a hearty bite, spilling the juice down its whiskered chin.

“You listen about as well as Molly does.” The primate’s similarity to Kathryn’s Irish Setter, both in resemblance and in obstinance, pulled her thoughts out of the present and into the life she had left behind; so many years and so many miles ago. 

If Voyager’s mission had been successful or if she'd not taking the posting, she and Mark Johnson would likely have been married by now. He had been so dear to her for so long, and there were moments where she still missed him a great deal. Their relationship ended both abruptly, with Kathryn being pulled a lifetime away, and slowly, as she came to terms with their separation and allowed herself to move on.

Before Mark, there was Justin. Her young love, exuberant and passionate, and taken from the world far too soon. Kathryn wondered to herself if she and Justin would have had as long and happy a marriage as they thought they would have, when in the bloom of youth.  Two headstrong, driven ‘Fleeters would surely have been torn apart by ambition, time, and distance. How long would it have taken them to figure it out? It didn't matter anyways. She'd lost him to tragedy, along with her father, and it took her longer than it should have to find her way back to anything resembling normalcy.

Two great loves.  Two profound losses. Kathryn shoulders sagged under the weight of her emotion. As her fingers grazed the trunk of the tree for support, the sea of memories that swept into Kathryn’s mind knocked the breath from her lungs. She rested against the trunk of the tree as the small bit of fruit in her stomach threatened to rebel. Her hands went to her waist and her eyes to the tree above her. The alien primate was still there, studying her curiously as it nibbled it's snack.  Beyond him, Kathryn could see the azure sky peeking through the highest branches. 

“Not too far now,” Kathryn said to the primate, trying to steady her breath. “Let's finish what I started.” Kathryn tightened the fabric wrapping her hands and feet and set off into the delicate upper branches, which swayed in the wind of the higher altitude. One way or another, the tree would have to support her.


	4. Partnership

Kathryn saw the last glimmers of the evening sun shimmer through the delicate green leaves at the uppermost levels of the tree. She had almost reached her goal.  Her hands ached from the constant pressure of her grip and the arches of her feet throbbed with pain. Her arms and legs pled with her to let them rest. But she refused to listen, not when she was so very close to the canopy.   As Kathryn pushed aside the highest branches, she was greeted by a brilliant sunset; radiating the most dazzling shades of copper, crimson, and cobalt that she could ever remember seeing.  Stepping on to a small wooden platform at the top of the ancient tree, she filled her lungs deeply with the cool air, and was brought into a sob. The relief, the accomplishment, and the exhaustion; they all flooded into her at once. Her slim frame doubled over and her fingers clung tightly to the nearby branches as she tried to control her breathing.  

Soul-searching and communing be damned. Terra firma was where she needed to be. She needed to end this insane arboreal foray, officialize Voyager’s friendship with the Noryaci, and find Chakotay. Kathryn couldn’t let any doubt or uncertainty linger. She was certain of what she needed to do and that it would hurt him.  Kathryn shimmied on her belly off of the platform, her feet stretching to reach the willowy branches below her. But a strong wind bellowed and Kathryn was swept off of the swaying platform and began to fall headlong into the tree, racing terrified towards the forest floor. 

She was hurtling through branches and bouncing off of limbs. The hundred meters to the ground was quickly reducing and Kathryn couldn’t help but cry out. This would be the end of her. Not in a battle on the bridge of her ship, dying for a cause. Not at 135 years old, surrounded by loved ones, peaceful and content, warm in her bed. No, in a few short moments she’d perish in the dirt of an alien planet, the victim of an alien ritual that she didn't fully understand, surrounded by aliens who didn't know her and wouldn't mourn her.  But he’d be there.  Visions of his face flashed before her mind's eye and she remembered moments of their last morning together. The playful way he swatted her rear end when she was taking too long at the sink. The way he’d already had a protein rich breakfast prepared and waiting for her, because he knew that she’d forget to eat otherwise.  The comfortable way his teacup and her lipstick-stained coffee mug sat next to each other on the bedside table.  She ached for him more than she liked to admit to herself, and the loss of him was stinging more than the scratches she was receiving as she fell. She had to get back to him in one piece. She had to see him again, at least to say goodbye. But nothing at this time was in her control.  A few more moments, and it would all be over. 

As Kathryn tried to protect herself from the continued impacts from the lengthy fall, and struggled in vain to find a way of stopping herself, she felt a tugging at her leg. Willowy vine-like branches had wrapped nimbly around her ankle. Suddenly, the change in momentum had her hurtling back upwards at like a jumper at the end of a bungee cord. After a moment, her speed lessened and the vine laid her gently to the ground below.  As she regained her berrings, she saw at least a dozen feet clamoring over to where she was. Most of them were bare, but one wore a familiar pair of black standard issue boots. 

“Kathryn,” cried Chakotay, as he dropped to his knees and began to scan her with a tricorder. “You’re alright,” he said, snapping the tricorder shut with one hand, and brushing the hair and dirt and blood away from her face with the other.

“Yes, Sister Kathryn has made a friend of the arbor spirit today. She has done well.”  Mage-Royal Troyin was at Chakotay’s side, pounding him enthusiastically on the shoulder.

“Well?” Chakotay raged, throwing off Troyin’s hand a rising quickly. “She nearly died!”

“True, but she didn’t.  Topia saw something in her and saved her.”

“Topia?” Kathryn asked as Chakotay helped her to stand.”  Troyin looked behind them and his eyes raised up the massive and ancient tree’s trunk, to the height from which Kathryn had just plummeted. 

“Our mother. Now, your mother. Tell me Sister, did she help you to find what you needed?”

Kathryn looked from Troyin to Chakotay, uncertain of how to respond.  It was true that during her ascent and resulting fall that she had made a decision regarding her relationship with Chakotay,  but she wasn’t sure if ‘Topia’ had anything to do with it,

“I suppose it did, but I wasn’t aware that was part of the ritual.” 

“While part of her, surely she provided as a mother might, did she not?”

Kathryn remembered the dew and the fruit that the tree had provided, and how that hers and the other trees were home to not only the Noyaraci, but to the lesser species on the planet as well. 

“In a few ways, yes.”

“Ah, then she is with you even now. I am gratified to know that Topia has enriched you.  Come, you are tired. We have prepared quarters, food, and relaxation.”  Troyin turned and started away from the tree, with the trade delegation following behind. Kathryn pulled lightly at Chakotay’s arm to prevent him from walking away.

“I can’t explain it yet, but he may be right.  We should have tomorrow's dew and some of the fruit analysed for psychotropic effects.  Perhaps some of the thoughts I had - intense memories, really -  were brought on by…”

“Kathryn. You’re alive and you’re well.  I’ll happily bring out the whole science department and take non-invasive scans of every inch of ‘Topia’, if that’s what you want, but is that really what you want?”

Sighing, Kathryn knew that the scientist in her was speaking out of habit.  Looking into Chakotay’s eyes, she knew that all she wanted at this particular moment was standing in arms reach, but she wasn’t sure if he was hers to have.  She took his hand and led him over to the base of the tree and sat them on the wooden floor of the Altar of Ascent. 

“Chakotay, did you propose marriage to me this morning?”  Kathryn knew that he would be taken off guard by the directness of the question, but she didn't want to mince words or cause further confusion. Blunt was better.

“I...I may have started to speak as if marriage was something I had assumed for our future, but hearing you now, I’m not sure that was a safe assumption.”

She had to look away.  Her eyes brimmed with tears and there was no stopping them from rolling down her cheeks.  The drops beaded and rolled off of the thin robes.  Strong and water resistant. Tough stuff.  Wiping her palms over her cheeks and drawing her fingertips along her lower lashes give her the extra moment she needed to collect the words for what she would tell him next.  

“Chakotay, I don’t want you to doubt that I love you. I do. Very much.  But I’m not sure that’s enough for you.  You know about Mark, and I’ve told you about Justin.  I’m two for two on failed engagements.  I’m not sure I could take being three for three.”

“Keep talking. I want to know everything in there,” Chakotay said, his hand weaving into Kathryn's hair.  “As long as you still listen to what’s in here.” He placed his other hand over her heart.

“Your parents had a beautiful marriage. Mine did as well.  I tried twice to live up to it, and both times it ended really poorly. I’m probably not really a jinx, but I can’t help but be terrified that if we did start planning our future, that in a terrible instant it would all be taken away.  But being married is important to you, I know that.” Kathryn paused to take his hands in hers.  “But I also know that I can’t give it to you. I can’t get married. I can't have another failed engagement. I can't lose you like I lost them. Tears were pouring down her face quickly now, but she was relieved that her voice had stayed calm and resolute.  Chakotay sighed and dragged Kathryn closer to him, pressing a kiss to her hair. She winced as he hit a tender spot on her scalp. 

“Come on, I’ve got a dermal regenerator in our room. No one will mind if we’re later to dinner so I can heal you.” Chakotay stood and held his hand out to Kathryn to help her up.

“That’s it?  No pleading with me to change my mind?  No big speeches about the importance of commitment?  You’re just accepting that I’ve broken up with you?”

“But you didn’t, actually.  You made a big show about assuming what I wanted and how you didn’t fit into that, but since you didn’t actually ask me my thoughts on the matter, I just assumed that we were still at the _status_ _quo_.”

“Well, L…:

“Do you want to know what I want, Kathryn?”

“Yes. Of course.”

Chakotay paused for a moment and took her face in his hands.  His eyes sparkled brighter than any starfield she had ever seen.

“You.  You’re all I’ve wanted from the moment that I was beamed onto  _ Voyager’s _ bridge.  I thought you knew that. I thought it had been pretty obvious in the last few months.” He dropped his hands to her shoulders and kneaded this fingertips into her sore muscles. “My parents did have a wonderful, supportive, sensual relationship. And so do we. Getting married was their choice. It’s pretty traditional in my tribe, but tattoo aside, I’ve never been that traditional. If you don’t want to get married, then we don’t get married. Easy as that. As long, of course, as you still want to be with me.”

Kathryn was overcome with relief, embarrassment, and something akin to regret. Why did she have to make a fuss?  Of course he was right. She had let her doubt and assumptions cloud her generally rational mind. He loved her every bit as much as she loved him, and to think that he’d be inflexible or closed off to her ideas was not at all fair to him. He was her closest counsel even before they had become lovers.  The concept of losing a third fiance had addled her.  They’d already been down the road of discussing to death how terrible it would be for one of them to die before the other in the line of duty; it had been one of her major reservations about initiating a relationship.  But the same could be said about any couple.  No one could say what the future held. This was something that Kathryn knew keenly and had spent half of her life coming to terms with.

“Come on,” Kathryn said, taking his hand, and leading him away from the base of the tree.  “I’m not starting a whole life over again.  This is the life I have, and it's the one I want...with you.  I’m not going to spend any time waiting for it to start. I tried that and it didn’t work.” 

Kathryn led Chakotay over to the ongoing festal and to the Mage-Royal.  The din from the music and revelry was too loud to speak over, so Kathryn whispered something into Troyin’s ear.  His eyes widened and he burst into a hearty and full-bodied guffaw.  Shaking both of their hands exuberantly, he let them up and away into a nearby tree house where they remained for several hours. No one saw Chakotay and Kathryn beam back to  _ Voyager. _


	5. Certainty

It was the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes that morning. It was spread out across the chaise at the foot of their bed. Threads of copper, crimson, and cobalt woven together. Images in alien silk, telling the story of their lives and their love. It was of course, unfinished. According to Chakotay, a couple’s tapestry could never really be completed, even after death, because their love still exists, just not on a plane that the weaver is able to observe. So, the long, unwoven fibers are bound and only added to when a new chapter occurs. They had started theirs last night after returning to the ship. The filament came from the same strong Noyarcin fabric that Kathryn had worn during her climb. They hadn't gotten very far into their design when fatigue won out and they both fell into a deep sleep. But they had all the time in the world to keep working on it. Together. 

Chakotay began to stir next to Kathryn, his warm body moulded to her back. She could feel his hand graze up her side to her shoulder blade. His fingertips traced lightly along her tender skin and he follow them with gentle kisses. The dark design that graced her pale back was new, but very familiar. He hadn’t allowed her to place the tattoo on her face, akin to where his was. Why would they want to ‘mess with perfection,’ he asked. So they selected the spot together; above her heart, but for his eyes only. 

The mage-royal had been only too happy to provide the material for the tapestry as well as his expertise in tattooing. Kathryn had wanted someone with a skilled hand to use a traditional method in placing the mark. She wanted no shortcuts, and Chakotay held her hand and stroked her hair the whole time. He spoke softly to her and let her know that it was progressing well and looked beautiful on her. He affirmed that he was hers, forever. She teased him to keep her mind off the pain, that maybe next they should get matching celtic knot tattoos. She quickly took it back though, when the needled edged closer to her shoulder blade and stung more intensely. 

But now they were back as they should be. Wrapped in each others arms. The prior day had been long and very trying, but that was the norm in the Delta Quadrant. As long as she had this payoff, Chakotay beside her - both as he was now in bed with her, or together on their bridge - it would all be worth it. No one could know how long the journey would take. All Kathryn knew was that they tapestry would grow and that they’d weave it together.


End file.
